I know that I am only 26 with a lot of life let a head of me. In 2011 I met some one who changed my life, She rapidly beame the most important person on the planet to me. We had some amazing journys that Include trips to Yellow Stone, San Fransisco, Oakland, Los Angales, The Hoover Dam, Los Vages, and Arazon along with a few more. In my life I have never actually love some one untill her, She change my out look on life. I became addicted to her company and with that came complacince. I took her for granit, I thought ok I have her now we will always be together there was no way we would seperat. That thought, that feeling of sureness is my biggest reget in my life. I still struggle with this, I do not like that I can not go back and fix it show her what she ment to me.

   Now at this moment she is 7 months preganet with what she says is her new boy friends baby. Her new boyfriend is her Ex boyfriend that cheated on her and broke her down. When we met she told me she didnt know what love was because she had not felt what she was feeling with me from him. He didnt apprecate her, He was happy to get ride of her. For 5 years she was mine with out a thought of him, untill 1 year 7 months ago. I started finding hit that she was talking to him again. This was crazy to me i would never do this to her why would she be doing it? I got quite, Shy, I lost my self confidence, and I gave up I acted like it wasnt happening and in return so did she we still were in love we still laughed together had happy times, but there was also this darkness that waskeeping us a part making it so we could not connect again we were no longer "perfect". Over that year and a half we had some major blood sport type battles over the fact that she lituarlly was going on dates with the guy then come back to me lying about it to my face telling me how much she loved me talking about marriage and having a child together. Needless to say this messed my head up, and I still not the same. 7 months ago we ended it and she is with him preganet with a baby I fell there is a chance is mine, we will not know untill its born.

   I wake up every day with the same thought in my head of how I faild us, how I wasnt strong enough to keep our love together. I suffer now from deep depresstion constant panic attacks and the never ending fear of my constant lonlieness. I hope that one day all of this will make sense to her and will under stand how bad she has hurt me, and maybe she will chance her ways and come back to me. I know what you thinking this dudes nuts he would take her back?? I know but I was far from perfect during our relation ship for along time she was  better than. I honestly thought I had been in love befor her it wasnt till it end that I realised some very bad had happened I had just let my soul mate, Ther love of my life, she was im queen and I let her slip away. I dont know maybe I am wrong but to me that mean's something I feel that we belong together and I am still hoping that it will happen and the kid will be mine and we can some day start to pick up the pieces of our shattered love.

This was us in love...

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